Insurance means commitment

My Boy and I have been living together for a little while now but nothing says commitment like getting life insurance on each other so that if something were to happen to one of us the other would be taken care of. We also both admitted that we were telling people at work we were engaged, the boy more for the HR people and me so that when I am sharing a little about myself with older clients I think it seems a little less living in sin to add to the story that we are engaged...isn't it romantic.

Billie Jean is not my lover.

So I finished my months and months of bank training in Denver. I get to now live again full time in Loveland with my cats and not commute and live out of a hotel! Woo freaking whoo! In other news it is almost the 4th of July and me and Billie Jean (wait I mean, bf who is my lover) are going to see the Fam in Kansas! Also Michael Jackson died today....sad sad day. :(

moving on

I am so surprised how different my life can change in a year. Since July when I left California and Tim behind, I felt like I was suspend in some sick joke impersonation of my life. The job thing was so bad that I didn't know how I would ever claw my way where I was. You go to college and job after job you make a little bit more and a little bit more and then you are suddenly working for slightly above minimum wage. For awhile my life sucked beyond the telling of it. My head is above water now, I am in love and I didn't know I could trust anyone like this but Steve makes it easy.

Random Product Plug

To all my female readers, I am in love. With my new birth control! If you haven't tried NuvaRing yet you can go to their website and you can get a coupon for a free trial. Plus my Doctor gave me a sample one too...so in 3 months I have only paid for it once. Anyway it is pretty darn fabulous to not have to think about popping a pill everyday. I just thought I would share. In other news there has been a lot going on in my life which at some point I will actually sit down and blog about.

The Economy Freaks Me Out!

Sometimes I think ignorance would be bliss. I know too much about economics to not think that we are going into the next big depression. I currently have 2 friends who think they will lose their jobs shortly and I myself know economic hardship as my current job is a 30k pay cut from my last job and yet....I am employed, thank the Lord. I keep thinking that I need some extra money so I'll sell off some of my stocks and then I remember that they aren't really worth anything anymore.

I Fail At Life

Yesterday getting home from work at about 20 past 11, I decide to go ahead and get my mail. I do this mainly because there are 2 things I'm waiting for: Tax return stuff and grad school stuff. Well I got my first response on the latter. A big fat rejection from K-State. Now did I really want to head back to Kansas? Maybe, maybe not....but c'mon, K-State is my alma mater. If any school should want me as a grad student it should be K-State didn't I already give them tons of money for my undergraduate degree...they know I'm good for the cash!!! I still have 2 schools I haven't heard from yet, but this was sort of a punch in the face or the gut. I feel sort of queazy. I'm afraid my next career move will include the phrase "would you like fries with that?"

Frog Prince

My mother got me this exact stuffed animal frog when I was hospitalized with kidney stones the first time. I named him Mr. McFrogger and this little frog is so dear to my heart. She told me that I would need to "kiss a lot of frogs" before finding the one that is a prince. She gave it to me about 2 weeks before Tim and I started officially dating. I thought I was done kissing frogs but it was not to be. I have since kissed more and more frogs and I just would like to be done now.

New Year

I think I can definitively state that 2008 was the worst year of my life to date. I am really looking forward to a new start. I've been busy with the holidays, holiday visitors (namely ex-boyfriends whose name starts with a T and ends with an IM) and the oh so fun graduate school applications. That last one is my focus for the month so you might not hear to many peeps from me until I have received a letter of acceptance.

How Did You Die

By Edmund Vance Cook

Did you tackle that trouble that came your way
With a resolute heart and cheerful?
Or hide your face from the light of day
With a craven soul and fearful?
Oh, a trouble’s a ton, or a trouble’s an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it.
And it isn’t the fact that you’re hurt that counts,
But only how did you take it?


You are beaten to earth? Well, well, what’s that?
Come up with a smiling face.
It’s nothing against you to fall down flat,
But to lie there -- that’s disgrace.
The harder you’re thrown, why the higher you bounce;
Be proud of your blackened eye!
It isn’t the fact that you’re licked that counts;
It’s how did you fight and why?


And though you be done to death, what then?
If you battled the best you could;
If you played your part in the world of men,
Why, the Critic will call it good.
Death comes with a crawl, or comes with a pounce,
And whether he’s slow or spry,
It isn’t the fact that you’re dead that counts,
But only, how did you die?

Time for thanks...

I am stressed out right now. I have not forgotten about Spain, I swear I will get that blog finished one of these days but it has been hard for me to do anything besides keep my head above water. I usually write a list of things I'm thankful for but to be quite honest I don't think that these past few months have been a joyful time for me. I am glad to be closer to my family and happy I have a job even if it is the bain of my existence. My big news for Thanksgiving is that Tim is coming to visit. I am filled with excitement and terror simultaniously. I haven't seen him since that fateful day I left California and my whole life behind. It has been nearly 4 months and do I feel more over it yet? Not a bit. I love Tim, I don't know how that can change, but at leaset it doesn't feel quite as weird to be dating other dudes at this point.

Hear Me Out

"Hear Me Out" - Frou Frou

I join the queue on your answerphone
And all i am - is holding breath
Just pick up i know you're there
Can't you hear - i'm not myself

Oh go ahead and lie to me
You could say anything
Small talk will be - just fine
Your voice is everything
We owe it to love
And it all depends on you

So listen up - this sun hasn't set
I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling
Just hear me out - i'm not over you yet
It's love on the line can you handle it

So how do i do normal
The smile i fake - the permanent wave of
Cue cards and fix it kits
Can't you tell - i'm not myself

I'm a slow motion accident
Lost in coffee rings - and fingerprints
I don't - wanna feel - anything
But i do
And it all comes back to you

So listen up...

So listen up
Look at me straight
Just hear me out
Don't make me wait
I'm not myself
I can't take this
Love's on the line
Is that your final answer

I join the queue...

So listen up...

Peppermint Bark

My new job makes me want to cry. Boys make me want to cry. My cats clawing my legs up makes me want to cry. The highlight of my week thus far has been my seasons first sighting of peppermint bark, the world tastiest holiday treat. I am a wash in a sea of depression that may or may not be full attributable to my inability to afford my prozac. At least I will not be turned out in the streets this week.

Gainful Employment, how I've missed you.

I got a job! Don't get too excited, it is possibly the worst job I can think of doing. I could go so far as to say it is up there with turning tricks. It is however, a paycheck with benefits (I'm fairly sure you don't get a 401(k) from a pimp). So I will be thankful and be happy that I will not have to live in a card board box. It has nothing to do with my "chosen profession" and nothing to do with the profession that I will be attending grad school for next fall, it is something that the company elected to pay me more than most because of my vast experience in the area.

I kept a sort of day by day journal of my time in Spain and as soon as I clean that up to one blog entry I'll post it along with pictures. So fear not I will provide you with much info on Antonin Gaudi, Segrada Familia and all the hot Spaniards.

boys are stupid throw rocks at them

I have said on many different occasions, I wish I was into girls so that I could be a lesbian. I am tired of dealing with men and all the issues that come with them. I need to find a way to make peace with my heterosexuality some way, without the only man I have ever seen as the "one" for me. I am trying to decide right now if there is a way that I can continue to talk to Tim. He needs a friend, I have plenty of friends without him. What I need from him he doesn't want to give to me, so how can that balance in a way that is fair to my heart?
In the last three months I have done more dating than I ever seem to remember doing in my life. I feel somewhat emotionally unable to give anything into these attempts to getting to know someone better because of my lingering feelings for Tim. I'm lonely though and sometimes I cannot even count on those I thought to be friends to be there for me. Especially those damn male friends! Men cannot be trusted.

Thriller

So I thought for Halloween I would learn the thriller dance (yes I am just that awesome). I came across this video on you tube that I thought laid it out pretty easily.

Holy Crap....

I still have no job, but did get a tat! Oh and I love Dan Savage...he is so my favorite. I'll update for real later on.

Men are Pigs

I had one that wasn't, and I'm not sure there are any others out there.

Unhappy Anniversaries

Today is a hard for me for a few reasons I won't share. It occurs to me it has been awhile since I loved myself. I need to get back there before anything can change.

I can't take any more!

So in the last couple weeks there has been so much craziness in my life and literally if some one gives me one more thing to deal with I might have a heart attack. I have 2 family members (aunt and grandma) in hospitals in bad shape. I have so many money worries that I might need to start borrowing against my retirement fund. Then I am only steps away from panhandling on the metropolitan corners of downtown Loveland. My BFF is going into labor (yes, I have a million pregnant friends) I would give anything to be on my way to Wichita right now to be with her but I can't. I have a precious cousin who wants to leave a neighboring town to go live with my parents, where I would see much less of her, which would seriously bum me out. Last but not least my first big job opportunity since the evil company that has been stringing me along for almost 2 months, has presented itself. It would require something like an hour and 20 minute commute each way. It would be really great but I would really like something closer.

tri-partisan system

Today I was talking to one of my sisters. We were discussing in particular how we weren't really happy with either candidate running for president. She is a pretty hard core "republican" and I have always considered my self an Independent but usually tend to side with the right because I want Uncle Sam to keep his hand out of my wallet. Payne and I think there needs to be a third party: The Common Sense Party. We decided on a few tenants of our new party.

We the Common Sense Party believe these things should be done:

1) Legalize Gay Marriage: Why not let same sex unions benefit from the same privileges every other citizen has the right to. If marriage is so sacred a union why do half of all marriages end in divorce.

2) Get rid of the IRS: how much does our country spend each year just to keep this complicated system running? Shut it down, hike up sales taxes giving every one a tax rebate for the essentials. News flash-people who make more money will spend more and be taxed more.

3) Abolish abstinence only sex education: I think we all know that people will continue to have sex whether we say it is bad or not. What we can do is provide information and effective available contraception (at a reasonable age-no handing out condoms in kindergarten classrooms) so we can have fewer unplanned pregnancies, increase adoption education so that hopefully we will do away with the need for abortions. Abortion is something the CS Party is very against.

4) Legalize Marijuana and Prostitution (Yes, we went there): Regulate and tax that shit!

5) No universal health care: The CS party like low taxes and that will only increase taxes.

6) No child left behind should be left behind: 'Nuff said

7) Don't Kill people: we feel this is a very simple statement, we are anti-abortion, anti-capital punishment and we would like to prevent wars as much as possible (people tend to get killed).

Well those are the 7 tenants I recall. It was a pretty long conversation so I probably missed some if you have any suggestions to add let me know and I'll consider adding them.