Time for thanks...

I am stressed out right now. I have not forgotten about Spain, I swear I will get that blog finished one of these days but it has been hard for me to do anything besides keep my head above water. I usually write a list of things I'm thankful for but to be quite honest I don't think that these past few months have been a joyful time for me. I am glad to be closer to my family and happy I have a job even if it is the bain of my existence. My big news for Thanksgiving is that Tim is coming to visit. I am filled with excitement and terror simultaniously. I haven't seen him since that fateful day I left California and my whole life behind. It has been nearly 4 months and do I feel more over it yet? Not a bit. I love Tim, I don't know how that can change, but at leaset it doesn't feel quite as weird to be dating other dudes at this point.

Peppermint Bark

My new job makes me want to cry. Boys make me want to cry. My cats clawing my legs up makes me want to cry. The highlight of my week thus far has been my seasons first sighting of peppermint bark, the world tastiest holiday treat. I am a wash in a sea of depression that may or may not be full attributable to my inability to afford my prozac. At least I will not be turned out in the streets this week.

boys are stupid throw rocks at them

I have said on many different occasions, I wish I was into girls so that I could be a lesbian. I am tired of dealing with men and all the issues that come with them. I need to find a way to make peace with my heterosexuality some way, without the only man I have ever seen as the "one" for me. I am trying to decide right now if there is a way that I can continue to talk to Tim. He needs a friend, I have plenty of friends without him. What I need from him he doesn't want to give to me, so how can that balance in a way that is fair to my heart?
In the last three months I have done more dating than I ever seem to remember doing in my life. I feel somewhat emotionally unable to give anything into these attempts to getting to know someone better because of my lingering feelings for Tim. I'm lonely though and sometimes I cannot even count on those I thought to be friends to be there for me. Especially those damn male friends! Men cannot be trusted.

Men are Pigs

I had one that wasn't, and I'm not sure there are any others out there.

I can't take any more!

So in the last couple weeks there has been so much craziness in my life and literally if some one gives me one more thing to deal with I might have a heart attack. I have 2 family members (aunt and grandma) in hospitals in bad shape. I have so many money worries that I might need to start borrowing against my retirement fund. Then I am only steps away from panhandling on the metropolitan corners of downtown Loveland. My BFF is going into labor (yes, I have a million pregnant friends) I would give anything to be on my way to Wichita right now to be with her but I can't. I have a precious cousin who wants to leave a neighboring town to go live with my parents, where I would see much less of her, which would seriously bum me out. Last but not least my first big job opportunity since the evil company that has been stringing me along for almost 2 months, has presented itself. It would require something like an hour and 20 minute commute each way. It would be really great but I would really like something closer.

In no particular order

a list of things which people have told me I'm good at:

- Playing Tetris
- Singing
- Being a good friend
- Kissing
- Baking kick ass cookies

and last but not least:

-Interview for jobs

I have been told by many people that I may have been the best person at interviewing they have interviewed. So why I ask, do I still have no job???

end of the world as i know it

Sorry for my lack of posts of late, my world has been changing at an alarming rate. Once I feel settled again I may continue to blog but in the mean time....